The Tragic Details About Nicole Kidman's Life
The following article mentions pregnancy loss, domestic violence, mental health issues, and sexual assault.
Nicole Kidman is bound to go down as one of the greats in Hollywood. From her Oscar win in 2003 to her sweet relationship with Keith Urban and their two daughters, the Aussie has had a lot of highs in her lifetime. Over the years, Kidman has had an incredible transformation and built a tremendous career, but despite her success, she's also had plenty of lows as well.
There's been health issues, her public divorce from Tom Cruise, mentally and physically taxing roles, and so much more. But, despite her many hurdles and struggles, Kidman is enjoying where she is right now. In speaking with The Guardian in December 2021, the actor quipped, "I'm 'in life' right now. I'm not coasting along. I'm in it." Tag along as we dig deep into the tragic, real-life story of Nicole Kidman.
Nicole Kidman had very little growing up
The "Moulin Rouge!" star was born in Honolulu, Hawaii, in 1967 to Australian parents, and was raised in Sydney before her career took off in the '80s. But before Nicole Kidman became the Hollywood icon she is today, she and her younger sister Antonia had a trying childhood. In a November 2020 interview with Glamour UK, she reflected on her humble beginnings. "I've always been aware of privilege because both my parents came from nothing. When we moved to America, we had nothing. My parents had to go to the Salvation Army and get a donated mattress, which we all slept on, while my mum helped put my dad through his PhD as he came from a very poor family," she said.
However, what her family lacked in material possessions, they made up for in character. Kidman went on to say that when her dad got his PhD, he offered his therapy services for free to help others. She added, "I grew up with one of the gentlest, kindest fathers who was a giver and my mother was a nurse, so my family had that social conscience."
Her mom was diagnosed with cancer when she was a teenager
In November 2009, Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban helped raise money for the Women's Cancer Program at Stanford University. At the fundraising event, the actor spoke about why the topic was close to her heart, sharing that her own mother was diagnosed with breast cancer when the "Cold Mountain" star was only 17. "I think that was the pivotal point in my life because I was about to lose — or thought I would lose — the most important person in my family, the heartbeat of my family," she explained.
Kidman has long encouraged women to get checked, noting that the process saved her mother's life. As she once told ITN News (via The Standard), "She had chemotherapy and radio and is a survivor now. I want that to be heard."
In 2004, word got out that Kidman had her own cancer scare. In a statement to the AP (via Today), she confirmed that her results came back negative. "Needless to say, my family and I are enormously relieved and thankful," she said.
Nicole Kidman had an ectopic pregnancy
While filming the 1990 movie "Days of Thunder," Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise hit it off. The couple dated for less than a year before deciding to tie the knot that December. Kidman was young when she married Cruise; she was 23 at the time and he was 28. She's since remarked that at that point in her life, she was not ready for such a serious commitment.
In a 2007 interview with Marie Claire, Kidman revealed that she had suffered an ectopic pregnancy (meaning that the fertilized egg implants somewhere outside of the uterus) early in their relationship, which sadly resulted in the actor miscarrying at 23 weeks gestation. She explained, "From the minute Tom and I were married, I wanted to have babies. And we lost a baby early on, so that was really very traumatic. And that's when it came that we would adopt Bella."
Kidman had been told by her doctor that she would continue to struggle with conception, so she and Cruise decided to adopt two children, Bella in 1993 and Connor in 1995. As she told Tatler in June 2018, "Whether you're an adoptive mother, whether you're a foster mother, whether you're a biological mother — it's the emotion of attaching to a child and helping to guide them and rear them [that is important]."
She had a miscarriage toward the end of her marriage
In 2001, after 11 years of marriage to Tom Cruise, Nicole Kidman experienced a second miscarriage. She had been a doting mother to Connor Cruise and Bella Cruise for years, but she still hoped to have another baby. It was around this time that everything fell apart in Kidman's marriage as well, marking the year as perhaps one of her most difficult.
In her 2018 chat with Tatler, Kidman spoke about the pain of losing a pregnancy. "The loss of a miscarriage is not talked about enough," she said. "That's massive grief to certain women." She went on to add that giving birth to her daughter Sunday Rose Kidman Urban after her long struggle with fertility issues was a bittersweet experience. "There's an enormous amount of pain and an enormous amount of joy on the other side of it. The flipside of going through so much yearning and pain to get there is the feeling of 'Ahhhh!' when you have the child," she remarked.
Nicole Kidman's split from Tom Cruise took a toll on her
Tom Cruise's relationship with Nicole Kidman was headline news for years, and they played the part of the Hollywood "it" couple well. That is, until the "Mission: Impossible" actor filed for divorce in February 2001, completely catching his wife by surprise. He had cited "irreconcilable differences," but others speculated that Cruise's involvement with the Church of Scientology may have played a big role in their split.
Mike Rinder, a former high-ranking member of the Church of Scientology, wrote about the couple's divorce in his 2022 book "A Billion Years: My Escape From a Life in the Highest Ranks of Scientology." He detailed how the church's head, David Miscavige, became unhappy when Cruise seemed to be pulling away from the church and blamed Kidman. "When Tom and Nicole divorced, Miscavige was happy that the 'negative influence' of Nicole was no longer dragging Tom away. Cruise thereafter became more fervent in his vocal public support of scientology and Miscavige," Rinder wrote.
We may never know the exact details of what caused Kidman's and Cruise's breakup, but what we do know is that it cut the actor deep. During a 2012 interview with DuJour, Kidman admitted, "It took me a very long time to heal. It was a shock to my system."
She experienced depression while filming The Hours
Nicole Kidman gave an astonishing performance when she played Virginia Woolf in Stephen Daldry's 2002 drama "The Hours." As noted in DuJour, Kidman received heaps of praise and glowing reviews, including one in The New York Times that read, "Kidman tunnels like a ferret into the soul of a woman besieged by excruciating bouts of mental illness. As you watch her wrestle with the demon of depression, it's as if its torment has never been shown on the screen before."
Her transformative portrayal was unlike anything audiences had watched her give before, and as she shared on a 2021 episode of the BBC's "This Cultural Life," she didn't believe she was right for the role. "Trust your director," she laughed.
While filming "The Hours," Kidman, who had been grappling with the dissolution of her marriage to Tom Cruise, struggled with her own depression. As she said on "This Cultural Life," "I was in a place myself at that time that was removed, depressed, not in my own body. So the idea of Virginia coming through me, I was pretty much an open vessel for it to happen. And I think Stephen [Daldry] was very delicate with me because he knew that. ... Depression hits you at different times."
Nicole Kidman's divorce overshadowed her Oscar win
Nicole Kidman's work in "The Hours" landed the actor her first Oscar in 2003. Snagging the award for best actress in a leading role would be a triumphant occasion for most, but in Dave Karger's book "50 Oscar Nights," Kidman revealed that she was still struggling after her divorce. She detailed how she didn't want to go to the Vanity Fair after party, but was eventually coaxed into it. "I literally walked in, carried it around, was completely overwhelmed, emotional, shaking, and I didn't enjoy it," Kidman said.
This sentiment lingered as the night went on. "I went home and ended up ordering takeout and eating it on the floor of the Beverly Hills Hotel. I sat on the floor of the hotel eating French fries and a burger with my family and went to bed. That's when it hit me. I went, 'I need to find my love; I need a love in my life.' Because this is supposed to be when you go, 'This is ours,'" she shared. This was a huge wake up call for her, as Kidman knew she had to let herself move on from Tom Cruise and get back to living her life the best she could.
Her father died unexpectedly in 2014
Nicole Kidman has often spoken about her father, a clinical psychologist, with adoration. In September 2014, he died at the age of 75. Dr. Tony Kidman was at a hotel in Singapore, where he was visiting his youngest daughter Antonia, when he collapsed and died from a suspected heart attack.
In April 2024, while speaking at an Emmys For Your Consideration event (via People), Nicole shared that her actual reaction to her father's death shaped how she approached a particularly heavy moment in the series "Expats." As she told the audience, when it came time to film the scene where her character visits her child in a morgue, she played it as real as she could.
"I just said, 'I'm gonna try something because this is actually from my own life' — not where I went to a morgue, but when my father passed away, and I laughed. Because it was so devastating when I saw his body. ... And I had the most awful reaction, which was I started to shake and laugh," Kidman said, adding that she'd been "so ashamed to talk about it, but at the same time I go, 'But it's real.' And it's based in the deepest love and not being able to handle a situation."
Nicole Kidman's role in Big Little Lies was physically taxing
When "Big Little Lies" premiered in 2017, it was widely praised for the impactful performances of the ensemble cast. Nicole Kidman's portrayal of a woman in an abusive marriage was nothing short of heart-wrenching, and she earned herself an Emmy for outstanding lead actress in a limited series or movie. It was more than deserved, as Kidman left it all out on the table and then some. She even sustained a few injuries.
In March 2017, she opened up to Vogue about how physically taxing it was to play Celeste. "I would go home at night sometimes and be in a lot of pain, and I had to take things like Advil because I was being thrown around physically. I was really bruised," she said. "At one point Keith [Urban] was like 'I'm going to take a photo of your back because it's covered in deep, massive bruises.' He was devastated seeing it."
She has her own #MeToo stories
The birth of the #MeToo movement resulted in countless female celebrities speaking out in solidarity about their experiences with sexual harassment and assault. Although Nicole Kidman has withheld many details of her own personal experiences, she's made it clear that she too has dealt with unwanted advances. In a 2018 essay for New York magazine, Kidman opened up about her marriage to Tom Cruise and the benefits of linked to the fellow A-list actor. When they tied the knot, her career was only just getting started, whereas Cruise was already a full-fledged megastar. She described her marriage to Cruise as "protection."
"I married for love, but being married to an extremely powerful man kept me from being sexually harassed. I would work, but I was still very much cocooned. So when I came out of it at 32, 33, it's almost like I had to grow up. Of course I've had #MeToo moments — since I was little! But do I want to expose them in an article? No. Do they come out in my work? Absolutely," Kidman wrote.
Her relationship with her adopted children is fraught
Nicole Kidman's and Tom Cruise's adopted children, Bella Cruise and Connor Cruise, are grown up now. However, things haven't been great between Kidman and her kids, and it's reportedly because of their involvement in the Church of Scientology. After Tom and Kidman's split, there was a lot of speculation about whether or not it's the "Dogville" star doesn't see Bella or Connor much anymore. Although Kidman had her daughter as a bridesmaid in her 2006 wedding to Keith Urban, Kidman didn't attend Bella's wedding in 2015. When Connor got married in 2019, Kidman was reportedly unwelcome.
Kidman seemed to confirm the media's theories about a falling-out with her kids because of the church when she told The Sun in September 2019, "They have made choices to be Scientologists. It's our job as a parent to always offer unconditional love. ... It's not about anything else other than, 'I'm here to love and support you.'"
Nicole Kidman's home was threatened by the Australian bushfires
In 2019 and 2020, brushfires tore through multiple regions in Australia. The fires killed an estimated 1.5 billion wild animals, burned 59 million acres, and devastated the country. As Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban call the country home and own property in Sydney, they were especially affected when they learned about the natural disaster.
The actor was attending a pre-Golden Globes event when she heard that her home in Australia was one of the many threatened by the disaster, and it became evident that she was upset while walking the red carpet. Us Weekly reported that Kidman was so distraught that she stopped an interview and said, "I'm so sorry. I'm so distracted right now with everything that's happening in Australia."
In response, along with the support of many other celebrities like Pink and Hugh Jackman, Kidman and Urban pledged $500,000 to aid the fire services battling the blaze. She wrote in an Instagram post, "Our family's support, thoughts and prayers are with everyone affected by the fires all over Australia."
She was shattered by director Jean-Marc Vallée's death
Canadian director Jean-Marc Vallée died on Christmas of 2021 from a heart attack. He was only 58 at the time. In the days following the news of his death, the internet was hit with an outpour of tributes to the director, including a message from Nicole Kidman.
Vallée and Kidman joined forces when the former signed on to direct Season 1 of "Big Little Lies." "The biggest coup was getting Jean-Marc Vallée because to get a director of that caliber to direct all of the episodes [in a series] is unusual," she told Vogue.
Understandably, Kidman was heartbroken by the news of his death. "I'm shattered. He was at the center of my creative universe and I can't overstate his significance to me," she wrote on Instagram. "Jean-Marc was not only responsible for some of the most rewarding professional experiences of my career, but his friendship, kindness and love were an inspiring force I will carry with me."
Nicole Kidman struggled emotionally while filming Expats
When the Amazon Prime series "Expats" began filming in Hong Kong in 2021, it was in the midst of the pandemic and tensions were still pretty high. There were very strict rules regarding quarantine, so Nicole Kidman left her family behind to shoot the show, which ended up being a very difficult decision for the actor. During a January 2024 interview with The Guardian, she spoke about how she battled with certain scenes.
"I said, 'I cannot, cannot do this'. It was like when a donkey just goes, 'I'm not going.' ... I couldn't just get on a plane and get to [my family.] And they couldn't get to me. That affected the performance, to the degree that it also affected my psyche," Kidman explained. In the show, she played a character whose son goes missing under the watch of his babysitter, and given her struggle to leave her family behind, this would've made the job even harder for the actor.
Despite her inner turmoil, Kidman pulled off an authentic performance and managed to get through filming. She continued, "I think: people go through this, my job is to be the conduit and perform it to its absolute authentic truth. And if I'm not doing that, then I'm not serving why I work as an actor, which is to artistically connect to the way life is, in all its pain and glory."
If you or someone you know needs help with mental health, is dealing with domestic abuse, or has been a victim of sexual assault, contact the relevant resources below:
- Message the Crisis Text Line by texting HOME to 741741, call the National Alliance on Mental Illness helpline at 1-800-950-NAMI (6264), or visit the National Institute of Mental Health website.
- Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1−800−799−7233. You can also find more information, resources, and support at their website.
- Visit the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network website or contact RAINN's National Helpline at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673).